High Sierra Topix

This is actually a serious question.

My question is whether there is any way to use a bidet without water running down your legs? I’ve tried different angles and positions, but it always happens.

Is there a secret?

Hmmm - what kind of bidet are you using? I think that some are a little trickier than others to get the stream angled right.

I use the Happy Bottom bidet. A friend bought it for me two summers ago as a gag gift, but little did she know how much I'd end up loving it! I tried one of the Culo-style bottle attachments in the past and found it hard to aim well. With this style - which features a long, retracting nozzle with multiple spray holes - it's pretty easy to, uh, make the target. I simply squat a bit, use my right hand to hold it and angle the nozzle towards the bum, and bingo! I carry an eyedropper bottle with Dr. Bronners and use a single drop of that on my left (non-dominant) hand for a quick clean, then give a few more squirts with the bottle to rinse. I haven't had any problems with water running down my legs, but I do carry a small scrap of bandanna (maybe 1/4 of a raggedy old one) to pat dry if it feels necessary. Usually a shake will do. Truly never would have figured myself a bidet user, but it's been a game changer!

Keep your rear lower than the back of your thighs. Drip dry or towel off before standing from the squat stance.

Ed

Thx. Sounds like a physic project. Keep the ass low and don’t let gravity win :-)

Practice in the shower in your house. You don't have to poop beforehand. Small objects do a wonderful job of clearing major pieces of waste. Some people use a pre poop squirt, as it helps keep things cleaner. Don't be afraid to use your hand to wash things well.
Sorry if this was too graphic for some, but my nether regions really enjoy the enhanced cleanliness.