I crapped my pants
Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2015 2:46 pm
I feel I must get it off my chest as the more I talk about it the less traumatized I am. I took my dog last fall to Echo Mountain in Los Angeles. It's a 5 mile hike that is carved on a cliff side that runs single file up the summit. About 2000 ft over 2.5 miles. The trail at that time was packed with people and trail bunnies (women) at the time. I had full back packing gear to train myself for an up coming trip to C&R section of the Kern. About half way to the top, I felt an "issue" with me and it was a strong "issue". I knew I had to get to the top fast. It was the only flat ground that could give me some privacy to do my deed away from people but I had another mile to go. Over that last mile, I felt about 10 bowel movements. Each time it got stronger and each time I had to fight back harder. People started pissing me off bad at that point. They were asking about my dog, the pack I got for it, etc. I didn't care, I had a place to be and screw everyone else. I must of have seemed like the biggest ******* (pun intended) to the friendly hikers that I passed, by kid or lady, I didn't give a F*&^. I finally came along the last stretch of trail that lead to the top where I could see the gold at the end of the rainbow. HOWEVER, it was at that point where I had another powerful movement, I fought hard, I fought long, all the way to the end and even through the end. My sphincter was pinched air tight, my buttocks pinched like a clam in danger from a starfish, but it didnt stop it. I fought back tightening the valve and pinching it hoping no more would come out but even pinching it didn't work. All the chili hot dog and crushed red pepper seeds from the night before went down my legs into both of my waterproof boots. My dog immediately noticed and couldn't get his nose out where the sun doesn't shine. At that point, I was relieved but now I had a 2.5 mile walk of shame down to my car. Everyone noticed the smell. I heard people passing me saying "was that the dog" or "is he sick?". STFU people and get off the effing trail is all I had to say. I finally got to my car and realized I had no extra clothes....so I laid down an extra shirt I had and took off all my clothes and boots, stuck them in a trash bag. I called my wife and told her to bring me some extra clothes for me when i got back home. "Babe?" as I called my wife. " I **** in my pants" very softly I said it. "what happened? my wife asked. "i **** in my pants" a bit louder. I had continue to repeat that louder and sell her on the fact I shat in my pants, because she didnt believe me. I drove back home butt naked with **** all over myself in a smelly car in about 85 degree heat. Later that night, I crawled into bed and slept in the fetus position next to my wife drowning in my own despair, embarrassment, and humiliation. I was like a dog with hurt feelings....lol